My youngest continues to argue that there is no such thing as A.D.D. He does that because he's still young enough to believe he knows more than he actually knows. But he also has valid reasons for believing it. He objects to undisciplined children being excused for their lack of obedience or bad behavior with the easy answer: "He's got ADHD". I think Josh's main objection lies in the last part of the D.D.s. He does not feel it should be labeled a disorder. Here my memory fails me, but it's possible that he said he thinks too many things are being labeled a "disorder".
I didn't think much about A.D.D. until Tim came along. (I've often said, I have six kids: Jef, Cathi, and Josh and Tim's the other three.) After his arrival my point of view was altered from what it had been before (when I was Josh's age). I have found that the same mother, the same environment, the same method of dealing out discipline doesn't always produce the same results BECAUSE children are made up differently.
And some children have attention deficit. Others have attention deficit with hyperactivity thrown in.
All of that is not my point. My point is that I didn't think much about A.D.D. until Tim came along. And even then I didn't think on it immediately because I really don't have a problem with active kids. So it wasn't until he started to school that I really became aware that his "make-up" could affect his learning and other aspects of his life.
As time went on and I stayed more "in tune" with the various analyses of attention deficit, I realized that not only did Tim have it, I DO TOO. (I don't think I realized it back then.)
It makes life difficult in many ways, but one of the really adverse effects of it is that it causes you to have a strong sense of failure. All of my life I've lamented the fact that what other people seem to be able to accomplish routinely, I couldn't. I never could figure out how to make it happen. And, consequently,all of my life, I've look upon myself as a failure. If people would commend me, I would think: if you really knew me, you'd know I'm a failure. (It doesn't help when it is constantly reaffirmed to you by someone else.)
When I went to work, I learned something very important about attention deficit and I think it is something that would hold true-- if it could be implemented-- with a lot of attention deficit folks.
An attention deficit person needs someone (who is NOT critical of them) to keep them focused on what they need to be doing NOW. For the rest of my life I will be grateful to God for giving me the job with the boss I had. He liked me. But whenever he walked by my department, he'd remind me of what I needed to be doing. In the beginning, I thought this was just the way he would always be. BUT I learned as time went on that his continual reminding FINALLY TRAINED ME to realize myself that I was not working on what was priority and haul myself back to what was most important. And, even better, as time continued to go on, I learned to think before I began and START with what was most important.
Not only that, he trained me to not give into my impulses to stop in the middle of a job and go do something somewhere else. (I'd stop in the middle of a job and go volunteer to help out with something somewhere else that was very important to get done. More important, I thought, than finishing what I was working on. He's ask: Have you finished what you were working on?) And through it all, I never got the idea he was saying what he was saying to be critical of me because of how he did it. He'd just say, "Are you ordering?" "Are you getting your freight out?" "Is your set COMPLETELY finished?"
It took a long time of daily being reminded in a non critical way, but I was able to learn to do what was most important ON MY OWN and when I did, I noticed that he no longer said anything. So it wasn't just something he did all the time. He did it because he saw that's what I needed. But he did it in such a way that I really took it as a REMINDER, not a criticism.
After going through that training period, I came to the conclusion that the reason there is such a great increase in A.D.D. in our day is directly correlated to the lack of discipline. Parents don't discipline their children. Perhaps it's because they too have A.D.D. But whatever the reason, children are not (non-critically) REMINDED and brought back to doing what is most important first. Discipline is not the same as punishment. Anytime a parent is disciplining their child, they are also disciplining themselves. They have to "get hold of their flesh" and require the child to do what they have told them to do. It's not usually something you can sit in a chair and do until the training period is completed. You can't just say, "Pick up your toys" or "Clean your room", to a child. It's not saying it three times and then saying, "What's wrong with YOU?" You must discipline yourself to follow through and be sure they do it even if it requires getting up out of your chair, or stopping what you are doing, and getting down on their level, getting their attention, and making them understand by the tone of your voice and your commitment that you mean for them to do it now. And often, they have to be told HOW to do it. That may sound simple, but if you are afflicted with A.D.D. you can sometimes be overwhelmed with what seems like a simple job to other people. So you might have to tell them exactly what steps to take to accomplish what you just asked them to do. Over time they will learn those steps but it will require repeated "lessons". That is training. And training is what God tells parents to do. He doesn't say, tell, He says train.
By the way, I emphasize non-critical, because it is human nature to get hurt or defensive-- or in carnal children, even rebellious, defiant, sulky, or moody-- when being CRITICIZED.
Anyway, that is a sideline.
My actual point is to say, when I have a day off and I have TONS to do, I find that I still have a hard time figuring out where to start, staying on task, and finishing. I also have a hard time not getting distracted by something else. (Like, why am I here blogging when I have tons of stuff to do in this house to make it Thanksgiving-ready?) I've said to myself, "I wish I had my boss at home so he could keep me on track." But, I don't, so I do what I can....
I do consider having company and special events to be a great aid to me though. They put enough pressure on me to get some things done that I'd probably keep putting off except for the fact that "company is coming" so I really need to get ready for it. And I'll adopt a theory here: That is why people with A.D.D. can "work better under stress". That "stress" is actually an outside accountability factor that keeps them focused on the task at hand because it is reaching the point of "now or never". There's an adrenalin flow in stress that helps the A.D.D. person to stay more focused on what has to be done.
And company is coming... and my time is limited, since I work, so I better get busy.
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