Felisia's birthday was yesterday. Felicia had planned ahead to have a party for her on Sunday afternoon (because Saturday-- her birthday-- she was sure everyone would be so wrapped up in football they'd not want to be interrupted by a child's birthday party.)So, Sunday afternoon it was. (Tim's birthday, by the way.)
But, then things took the turn that they did on Wednesday and Felicia was put in the hospital and had Daxton (on HER birthday). And she was still there on Saturday. She did come home Saturday afternoon though and because Daxton didn't get to come, it was decided that they'd go ahead with Felisia's party.
There was a good turnout. Jef and Jeni came and brought the kids. A number of Felicia's family came-- her mom and dad, an aunt and uncle, some others. Steve, Tim's dad, came. (He did bring a camera and I asked him to take some pictures so I may get some later.)
Anyway, while there I got into a conversation with Jeni about her current interest and it led to talking about a couple who had just gone to Kentucky for a week or so because he could get more work there. I wondered why she went because I thought it would be very difficult on her with her small twin girls. The comment was made that her husband was the one that decided she should go with him because he didn't want to be alone. My Jef piped up and said that he didn't blame him. He wouldn't want to spend a night alone. He'd been lonely enough in his life and he didn't ever want to be again.
Sometimes people say things like that in a conversation and it causes me to start thinking about how my own life and feelings compare to theirs. As he was talking, I thought to myself, "I don't believe I comprehend loneliness." There's something else that I've heard other people say that I never was able to comprehend from personal experience. "I'm bored." Maybe or maybe not, but I wonder if those two have a connection.
Like I mentioned in a previous post, my mother often voiced the quote: "The world is so full of a number of things; I'm sure we should all be happy as kings." And, for as long as I can remember, my world has been filled with a number of things. Having four children, and an open door policy for bringing over their friends, filled a lot of my life. Besides that, as my brother says, "you're like your mother and daddy", when anyone needed help, I was HAPPY to HELP. And when you make others feel you're glad to be of service, there's plenty of ways to serve.
I remember when I first went to work and a number of people were "stressing out" over the hectic nature of retail this time of the year, I told my boss, "I feel like I'm on vacation, compared to what I was doing before."
Going to work didn't change the fact that my days are full. I quit getting the calls to help others do this and that because I wasn't at home to receive them. But grandkids came along and whenever I had any "extra" time, I gladly gave it to be a help in whatever way I could with them.
As usual, this week I was doing all I could to help out with all that was going on, plus trying to get done the things that I must do at work as well. I had picked up Cathleen and Caleb so they could go see Daxton, then brought them home with me to spend the night Friday night. I really felt close to being exhausted by the time I got home on Friday night. But Cathleen and Caleb are such joys to have. They had breakfast with me. I got to enjoy listening to them play together and then I took them to Tesia before I went to work.
I had to work until almost nine, then went back by Tim's. It was after ten o'clock before I got home.
I almost felt guilty thinking it but I did think: I'm so glad to be alone. (I really don't think that's what loneliness is.)
I couldn't help but reflect on that in my mind when Jef made his statement. I thought, How different people can be. When I get my chances to be alone, I luxuriate in them. Like a pig in the sunshine, I bask. But, that's because my life is SO FULL OF A NUMBER OF THINGS that that lone time is my refueling time, my renewing time.
And it IS my renewing time. I spent a whole lot of time meditating on God's goodness to me and how faithful He has been to be right there with me down through the years of my life to be the buffer I needed. I spend time thinking upon Him and the treasure that He is in my life and how grateful I am that He shaped my life and circumstances to bring to where I am today. I talk to Him. I listen to Him.
I suppose I'm not lonely, because I'm not alone.
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